Alright, class. Settle down, settle down.
As you all know, today is Career day. Let’s begin by asking some of you what you would like to be when you grow up. How about you, Nathan?
“I wanna be a firetruck!” *Classroom laughs.*
Okay, Nathan. Good effort. And you, Nicole?
“I wanna be an actress!” Nicole confidently says.
Interesting answer. It’s nice to dream. Johnny, how about you?
“I wanna be like James Bond!” Johnny yells.
Oh, how exciting that sounds. After you’ve mastered the alphabet maybe you can pursue that a bit more.
Anyway, class, onto the main part of our day.
Last time I asked you all if any of your parents would like to come in and talk to us about what they do, and I’m very excited to say that we are lucky enough to have some of your Dads here with us now, to do just that. Now, class: Be respectful.
Our first special guest is Michael’s Dad. Now be friendly!
Michael’s Dad builds and repairs computers. He is an I.T. maintenance technician. When your computer has a problem with its hardware, if there is an issue with the Operating System, or if you want to upgrade any part of your computer, Michael’s Dad is the man who can do it.
Okay, class. Let’s move on to Kyle’s Dad to talk about his career:
Kyle’s Dad is a grocer. He’s one of the people who works in your local supermarket and helps you with your shopping. Kyle’s Dad often helps elderly people read the labels on products and gives them some company as they often are alone. He is the one who stocks the shelves and makes it easier for us to shop.
Okay, moving on.
This is John’s Dad. He works as a plumber. When one of your pipes under the sink is leaking, or one of the drains is blocked, he is the man that comes to your house and fixes it for you. He also installs new pipes and other parts that you use in your kitchen sinks or bathrooms.
“Loser!” Johnny rudely cuts in.
Now, class, remember to be courteous for our guests today. They’ve taken time out of their schedules to talk with us today.
Now our next guest couldn’t be with us today, but he was kind enough to leave us a letter telling us about his career.
Due to the classified nature of his work, Steve’s Dad is unable to disclose any exact details about his work. He is unable to give us any facts as he doesn’t want to compromise National Security but has agreed (due to his utmost allegiance to this country’s public institutions) to share some details about what he may do.
*Classroom collectively gawks at teacher.*
Steve’s Dad may sit for hours upon hours listening to your private and intimate phone calls. Some of these phone calls may be categorised as “Phone sex.”
He may or may not have been to Russia, China, The middle east, or any other region that this nation may have an interest in gathering intelligence about. Steve’s Dad may have gone to extensive linguist training school or he may show no interest in learning the language of the country at all.
Steve’s Dad may work at another job in the area in order to not blow his cover. He may be very bad or negligent in this job which may blow his cover anyway. He may also just cry poverty and beg for donations and he may innapropriately ask people he barely knows to borrow money.
Government budget for certain intelligence agencies may be low, and so Steve’s Dad may be low on cash. If Steve’s Dad does get money, he may not be allowed to spend a whole lot since that may arouse suspicion.
He may lie to absolutely everyone he comes into contact with, and yet he may still be unconvincing. Steve’s Dad may lie to even those closest to him. He may be lying to Steve, or his wife, or his entire family.
Steve’s Dad may appear nervous when asked about why he was in certain countries for certain periods of time.
Steve’s Dad may be dragged all over the place by his handler(s), and may be told to mine for information. Steve’s Dad may make this obvious by consistently asking an endless list of questions, each one irrelevant to the last, and never engaging in natural conversation.
Steve’s Dad may not be getting paid at all. He may be getting blackmailed, or bribed in some way, which may effectively mean he is a puppet on string, dancing to the mighty whim of his handler(s).
Steve’s Dad may be addicted to drugs. He may have multiple personalities, each one unaware of the other due to trauma-based mind control and hypnotism.
He may end up being used as a Patsy and then being killed by one of them.
Steve’s Dad may have no clue just how expendable he may be.
He may have thought he was going to be like James Bond. Jumping out of airplanes, having beautiful Russian spies fall in love with him, holding a black pistol while wearing a tuxedo and pouting whilst walking away from an explosion, the whole nine yards (he may say.)
*A pin is heard dropping.*
Okay, class, that concludes our talk with the guests. We are very grateful to them for taking the time to share that with us. Any final questions, class?
*Johnny raises hand*
“Where do I apply to be a Plumber?”