Career day!

 

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Alright, class. Settle down, settle down.

As you all know, today is Career day. Let’s begin by asking some of you what you would like to be when you grow up. How about you, Nathan?

“I wanna be a firetruck!” *Classroom laughs.*

Okay, Nathan. Good effort. And you, Nicole?

“I wanna be an actress!” Nicole confidently says.

Interesting answer. It’s nice to dream. Johnny, how about you?

“I wanna be like James Bond!” Johnny yells.

Oh, how exciting that sounds. After you’ve mastered the alphabet maybe you can pursue that a bit more.

Anyway, class, onto the main part of our day.

Last time I asked you all if any of your parents would like to come in and talk to us about what they do, and I’m very excited to say that we are lucky enough to have some of your Dads here with us now, to do just that. Now, class: Be respectful.

Our first special guest is Michael’s Dad. Now be friendly!

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Michael’s Dad builds and repairs computers. He is an I.T. maintenance technician. When your computer has a problem with its hardware, if there is an issue with the Operating System, or if you want to upgrade any part of your computer, Michael’s Dad is the man who can do it.

Okay, class. Let’s move on to Kyle’s Dad to talk about his career:

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Kyle’s Dad is a grocer. He’s one of the people who works in your local supermarket and helps you with your shopping. Kyle’s Dad often helps elderly people read the labels on products and gives them some company as they often are alone. He is the one who stocks the shelves and makes it easier for us to shop.

Okay, moving on.

Young plumber doing sink repararion in kitchen.

This is John’s Dad. He works as a plumber. When one of your pipes under the sink is leaking, or one of the drains is blocked, he is the man that comes to your house and fixes it for you. He also installs new pipes and other parts that you use in your kitchen sinks or bathrooms.

“Loser!” Johnny rudely cuts in.

Now, class, remember to be courteous for our guests today. They’ve taken time out of their schedules to talk with us today.

Now our next guest couldn’t be with us today, but he was kind enough to leave us a letter telling us about his career.

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Due to the classified nature of his work, Steve’s Dad is unable to disclose any exact details about his work. He is unable to give us any facts as he doesn’t want to compromise National Security but has agreed (due to his utmost allegiance to this country’s public institutions) to share some details about what he may do.

*Classroom collectively gawks at teacher.*

Steve’s Dad may sit for hours upon hours listening to your private and intimate phone calls. Some of these phone calls may be categorised as “Phone sex.”

He may or may not have been to Russia, China, The middle east, or any other region that this nation may have an interest in gathering intelligence about. Steve’s Dad may have gone to extensive linguist training school or he may show no interest in learning the language of the country at all.

Steve’s Dad may work at another job in the area in order to not blow his cover. He may be very bad or negligent in this job which may blow his cover anyway. He may also just cry poverty and beg for donations and he may innapropriately ask people he barely knows to borrow money.

Government budget for certain intelligence agencies may be low, and so Steve’s Dad may be low on cash. If Steve’s Dad does get money, he may not be allowed to spend a whole lot since that may arouse suspicion.

He may lie to absolutely everyone he comes into contact with, and yet he may still be unconvincing. Steve’s Dad may lie to even those closest to him. He may be lying to Steve, or his wife, or his entire family.

Steve’s Dad may appear nervous when asked about why he was in certain countries for certain periods of time.

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Steve’s Dad may be dragged all over the place by his handler(s), and may be told to mine for information. Steve’s Dad may make this obvious by consistently asking an endless list of questions, each one irrelevant to the last, and never engaging in natural conversation.

Steve’s Dad may not be getting paid at all. He may be getting blackmailed, or bribed in some way, which may effectively mean he is a puppet on string, dancing to the mighty whim of his handler(s).

Steve’s Dad may be addicted to drugs. He may have multiple personalities, each one unaware of the other due to trauma-based mind control and hypnotism.

He may end up being used as a Patsy and then being killed by one of them.

Steve’s Dad may have no clue just how expendable he may be.

He may have thought he was going to be like James Bond. Jumping out of airplanes, having beautiful Russian spies fall in love with him, holding a black pistol while wearing a tuxedo and pouting whilst walking away from an explosion, the whole nine yards (he may say.)

GoldenEye (1995) Directed by Martin Campbell Shown: Pierce Brosnan (as James Bond)

It ain’t like in the movies, he may bitterly remark.

*A pin is heard dropping.*

Okay, class, that concludes our talk with the guests. We are very grateful to them for taking the time to share that with us. Any final questions, class?

*Johnny raises hand*

Yes, Johnny?

“Where do I apply to be a Plumber?”

Just a little snip.

In the U.S. around 60% of the baby boys that are born, are apparently born with a birth-defect. This horrible birth-defect is called a ‘foreskin.’ Nobody knows what it’s for, or why it’s there: They just know that they need to immediately cut it off so the baby boy can be free of this horrible affliction.

Medically, it’s referred to as ‘circumcision,’ and the Jewish call it a ‘Briss.’

These are simply light terms for genital mutilation. The general idea is to make it sound like something other than ripping off a part of a baby’s penis.

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It’s frequently referred to as a completely harmless and painless procedure, and one that actually has some benefits!

Benefit 1: Easier to rape.

Benefit 2: Vomit-worthy perverts think that it looks better.

(Note: If you’d consider putting a knife to your son because somebody might sexually prefer it later on, then you probably shouldn’t be having kids.)

Benefit 3: If we cut it off, then it won’t be there, and then nothing bad will happen to it!!!1

People will constantly argue that, “Ooh, if we cut a part of your body off then it won’t get infected.”

If you think this justifies genital mutilation, and you adhere to this type of logic, then you should also consider:

  • Decapitating your baby, (It’s been know to reduce forehead cancer in almost 90% of cases.)
  • Getting your baby’s hair lazer removed, (it’s been consistently found that hair carries fleas, bugs, and diseases.)
  • Kill your baby, (some experts say that the human body is susceptible to all kinds of deadly viruses, infections, and diseases. I’d play it safe and just kill the baby to avoid all this.)

(For a hilarious video parodying the stupidity of the ‘circumcision debate’ click here)

Women: Imagine there was a procedure for baby girls, where part of their genitals were permanently altered. The main advocates of this procedure were either men who sexually prefer women with it, or people who just do it because of their religion. Now also imagine that there were many women who hated the fact that this was done to them, and it negatively effected their lives, and that there were even communities of women who were trying to find methods of somehow getting back what was taken from them.

All that, coupled with the fact that the arguments for this procedure were often spurious and unconvincing, postulated by people who were simply trying to give a reason for their barbaric madness; then I think you’d have a genuine issue that feminists could discuss.

(For another hilarious video parodying the double standard of female attitudes to circumcision: See here)

The clean cut killers.

I’m going off topic here, but I thought it was kinda odd how all the main serial-killer-rapists are always so clean cut. I mean, you’d never expect these guys to do all the unspeakable evil things they do, when they just look so gosh darn clean cut.

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In an attempt to find out what makes these guys tick, I wanted to look into their personal lives, to see if there was some kind of common denominator… The psychoanalyst, Freud, would often say that early childhood experiences of great trauma would lead to big implications for that person’s personality, and could perhaps lead to strange, or unorthodox fetishes (Freud would’ve known about this more than anybody). So I looked to see if there was anything in their early life that might make sense of their weird pairing of sex and violence, of making their victim bleed and scream, of inflicting great pain.

My efforts were however in vain. There seemed to be nothing that paired these odd people together, nothing that they all had in common that might explain their behavior. There was nothing that officially could be called child abuse. Perhaps these people just did these things for no apparent reason.

Some of the most notorious sexual violence criminals: Jack the ripper, Son of Sam, Doctor death, Michael Fourniret, The Craig’s list killer, etc. They all seemed to just act randomly, and were all so different.

They would often use items of bondage, clamping their victims down and forcing them to suffer, making them bleed, and even cutting the genitals and deriving sexual gratification from it. Their victims had no idea why this was happening. They did nothing for this to happen. There was no reason for any of it. They would just get strapped down and tortured. I don’t know why.

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I don’t know why.

The last victim of Phillip Markoff, (the Craig’s list killer,) was called Julia Brissman… hmm.. I think that sounds familiar… Briss… I’m not sure though.

It’s so strange. What could possibly make people have such little empathy for others? It’s like they had no emotions. What sociopaths, right?

 

Special thanks to: Jano Klark and the KBH

For an educational article on the effects of circumcision, read this

For a more comprehensive list of ‘clean cut’ serial killers, see here

Fast and Furious star dies in car crash, oh the irony.

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If you’ve been on the Internet today, watched the news or even spoken to somebody, you might have heard about Paul Walker, the actor from the move ‘Fast and Furious’ (a dumb Hollywood flick that glamourises street racing, recklessness and the general misuse of transportary vehicles,) dying in a car crash.

It seems like everyone with an internet connection is posting “RIP Paul Walker” and things like “how could this have happened?” or “this is so tragic.” Yes, it’s all very tragic but what’s more tragic are all the other people who have ended up dying or being horribly injured in car crashes, maybe because they grew up watching the Fast and Furious movies, and they idolised the characters and thought it was cool to drive recklessly. How many people have died because they were directly or indirectly influenced by movies like Fast and Furious?

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“RIP to everyone who thought driving recklessly was cool and ended up dying” -said no one ever.

  • Nearly 1.3 million people die in road crashes each year, on average 3,287 deaths a day.

  • An additional 20-50 million are injured or disabled.

  • Road crashes are the leading cause of death among young people ages 15-29

  • More than half of all road traffic deaths occur among young adults ages 15-44.

Déjà vu

The circumstances surrounding this incident and the way the public are reacting to it, remind me a lot of the Ryan Dunn case. Remember? the guy from Jackass who got himself killed in a car crash? Everybody got so upset over it, you couldn’t go to any website ever without seeing “RIP RYAN DUNN!” everywhere. The sad thing about Ryan Dunn that nobody seemed to have mentioned is that he effectively killed himself, (and his friend,) by driving whilst drunk.And let’s not get started on the amount of young guys that may have died from re-enacting some stupid stunt they saw on Jackass.

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“Hey! my name’s Ryan Dunn and this is Jackass!”

Moral of the story:  Don’t drink OR drive.

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Hows that for dramatic irony?

 

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Perhaps Paul Walkers death can serve as a grim reminder that driving fast and furiously is not cool, it’s deadly and stupid.

Fast and Furious star dies in car crash. Oh, the irony.

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If you’ve been on the Internet today, watched the news or even spoken to somebody, you might have heard about Paul Walker, the actor from the move ‘Fast and Furious’ (a dumb Hollywood flick that glamourises street racing, recklessness and the general misuse of transportary vehicles,) dying in a car crash.

It seems like everyone with an internet connection is posting “RIP Paul Walker” and things like “how could this have happened?” or “this is so tragic.”

This is assuming he wasn’t just killed off by Hollweird agents cashing in on another dead star. There couldn’t have been that many more Fast and Furious movies, anyway. Regardless, if he really did die in an unlikely freak accident, the cause of death seems, say, ironic, doesn’t it? I suppose Karma has a sense of humour.

How many people have died because they were directly or indirectly influenced by movies like Fast and Furious?

Here are some statistics to gander at:

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“RIP to everyone who thought driving recklessly was cool and ended up dying” -said no one ever.

  • Nearly 1.3 million people die in road crashes each year, on average 3,287 deaths a day.
  • An additional 20-50 million are injured or disabled.
  • Road crashes are the leading cause of death among young people ages 15-29
  • More than half of all road traffic deaths occur among young adults ages 15-44.

Déjà vu

The circumstances surrounding this incident and the way the public are reacting to it, remind me a lot of the Ryan Dunn case. Remember? the guy from Jackass who got himself killed in a car crash? “How could this have happened?” People always find the urge to ask. Well, here’s the kicker: He drove a car whilst being drunk

I wonder how many people -idiots- have seriously hurt themselves (or perhaps died) from attempting some stupid stunt they saw on “Jackass.”

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“Hey! my name’s Ryan Dunn and this is Jackass!”

 

Moral of the story:  Don’t drink OR drive.

Perhaps Paul Walke’rs death can serve as a grim reminder that driving fast and furiously is not cool, it’s deadly and stupid.

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How’s that for dramatic irony?